I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
