thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
