I heard we made out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
