When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
