My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
