I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
