make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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