If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
