I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That accounts for only three of the penises
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
