Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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