i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
