yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
