If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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