Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
