3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
