I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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