wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
