Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
