Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
