Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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