Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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