C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
