you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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