you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
