You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
