Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
