it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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