i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
