I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
