He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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