Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
