I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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