Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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