oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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