it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
