I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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