hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
