Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
