i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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