Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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