I am spending my child support on dildos
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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