Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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