is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
