He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
