My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
