Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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