woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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