I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
