my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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