He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
