I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
worst night to have a conscience
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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