Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
